Welcome to my lovely blog- Mas Bagus’ Mom Blog

Mixed marriages in

Indonesia

—a book review

“Kisah Kasih dari Negeri pengantin –Cinta Antar Bangsa – AKA NIKAH SAMA BULE”

(Love Story from Brides Homeland–International Love)

By: Sari Musdar (As published in ASSALAM magazine

Canberra

, No.1 August 2006)

Currently “mixed marriage” – in this article should be interpreted as Indonesians who married to foreigners from different races and / or nationality but are the same religion. This seems to be no longer unusual in

Indonesia

, as in the last two years infotainment in TV reported some of Indonesian actress married to foreigners. This could happen to some of our relatives or colleagues or a member of your family, as happened to me. I have two brother-in-law from different countries (that’s why sometime my friends make fun of me as a United Nations family, so that all I have to do is simply find a future husband from any foreign country. What a joke!)

That trend –if I may use this terminology from the infotainment TV Program— of mixed marriage has inspired a local publishing company to make a book –similar to storytelling books like a “chicken soup for the soul” or “chocolate for women” book— talking about this issue. Having no intention to make a hard-to-understood-book, the publisher then invited some Indonesian women marrying foreigners (French, Danish, Swedish, Bosnian, US, New Zealander) to publish their journey to find their life time partner until they legally be united in a marriage.

Using the title “Kisah Kasih dari Negeri pengantin –Cinta Antar Bangsa- or Nikah Sama Bule”, this book consist of stories from 10 women, most of whom have no background as a professional writer –only one of the contributors was an editor in national daily newspaper– the publisher then let them retell their story with their own style and share with them for the shake of their sisterhood. This book was released in the beginning of July by Forum Lingkar Pena Jakarta affiliate to Mizan Publisher to give sincere description about mixed marriage and sharing experience among women.

Although the contributors in writing their story with their own style, most of them use same plot, starting with the time and the way they met their future husbands, the most expected and sensitive moment for them, and the time when their future husband proposed marriage to them. In Lien Ottman’s story we will find her husband used a very romantic way to purpose marriage to her by getting down on his knee in front of the doors of the room of a hotel, saying to her “will you marry me” and this was witnessed by some people in the corridor.

There are many problems and obstacle in mixed marriage, such as people’s reaction to it. Family adaptation, the difference of culture, custom, language, becoming accustomed to living aboard, the legal consequent of mixed marriage and the way of maintaining the marriage in spite of different cultural background are but a few of the issues that will confront mixed couples.

As presented in many books and movies about love stories, a time will come when God allow the two lovers to eventually meet, despite the time and difference separating them. Nowadays, thanks to the advance of technology, some of them met their future husbands after chatting or joining the matchmaker or through meeting colleagues in the work place.

Most Indonesians, especially local people, judge their foreign husbands, especially white men (called by many Indonesians “bule”) to be rich. Some of the writing contributors had encountered mistreatment from Indonesian civil servant when they applied for legal paper for marriage certificates. They have to pay more merely because their husbands are white men! This happened to Lien who said she had to pay 10 times more than the normal fee, the government officer than simply said to her “Well, Teteh, as you are married to a bule that amount Rupiahs is nothing compare to the income of your future husband.”

Many Indonesians sometime wondered why they must marry bule (white people). The answer of the contributors of this book was that they never imagined that they would have foreigners as their future partners for life and since they believed that finding their soul mate was part of God’s plan, they just followed His plan. It was also asked whether western men are more romantic than local men. From this book we learn that not all white men are romantic. For example, Harwati Lindsten who met her future husband in her campus said that unlike what she has seen in

Hollywood

movies he had never given her a rose or indeed any flower. The more distinctive western custom among the Indonesian wives is the attitude of western husbands in sharing the domestic works with their wives and sometimes cooking for lunch or dinner at weekends, “spoiling” their Indonesian wives.

While trying to give advice to the readers, the writers suggest that Indonesian women who intend to marry foreigners take into account legal matters prior to their marriage. A mixed marriage is not merely a matter of love but it also involves many legal issues, including the civil, marriage and immigration laws of both countries. According to Indonesian Citizenship law, the child of a mixed married couple automatically hold citizenship of the father rather than the mother, even apparently the Indonesian government does acknowledge dual limited citizenship for the child of a mixed married couple.

Carnelian Muhammad told us her story, as follow: “When I gave birth to my child in

Jakarta

, I forget to register it at the Civil Registration Office. When I intended to go back to

Singapore

with my three-month-old baby, I had to pay US$ 18 per day for his visa. Otherwise, the innocent baby would be deported”. Another contributor suggested writing a Pre-marriage Agreement to protect their property and land ownership under Indonesian Agrarian Law.

Finally, in order to maintain and let love flourish in a marriage; whether with locals or foreigners, it is essential to maintain mutual respect and understanding through effective communication between husband and wife.

Note: Thanks a lot to my little sis, for this review!